James Conley answers:

Your question is way too long man you need to shorten up. But you sound like a nerd to me

James Conley answers:

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

James Conley answers:

I am a strange character.. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my erotic and godlike trombone playing and I cook Thirty Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. A veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single handedly defended a small village in the Amazon from a horny and ferocious army of ants. I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries.If it wasnt for me we’d still be fighting world war one. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.I shovel snow in the summer.I’ve been known to outdrink numerous camels. I am a ruthless bookie. Deaf people can hear me. I don’t perspire. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer, I toured New Jersey. I bat 400. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.I was actually the first man on the moon. I once read Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week and when I do sleep I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends to let off steam I participate in full contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a toaster oven. I breed prize winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff diving competitions in montevideo, and spelling bees in bulgaria. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open heart surgery and I have spoken with Elvis. I am strange but definetly not a stranger to you.